The Abomination From Below
by Etta Mae
Summary: Sarah and Carina try to have a girl's day out, but it's kinda different from their typical ones. It's not just girls, and they don't go out, well, they do go a little out of their comfort zones...


**ALOHA! Como estas? OK, I ask for some mercy on this because A.) I'm trying to be funny. B.) I know it's 6****th**** grade humor, but I needed the poop to stink for this story to work. And I think I may be the only person in history to ever utter those words together in a sentence… Anyway, please, do not be off put, but instead; read on!**

**Random quote: Have you ever made a girl an omelet? – June, Knight and Day**

**Oh! Blast! I keep forgetting to say: I DON'T OWN CHUCK.**

Sarah stood screwing up her courage to face the task in front of her. She could do this. She was a capable super spy. She could defuse a bomb with a pair of chopsticks and some gum. She could withstand lethal doses of poisons and serums. She had been the only one in her class at the farm to have a perfect score at target practice. She had taken out twenty trained men with her fists. She could bake a perfect soufflé. She could drive a minivan faster than more F1 champions drove their race cars. She knew how to order Chinese in Chinese. She was a glorious dancer of many styles. She could eat more than a trucker at Thanksgiving. She could make any balloon animal imaginable, and many other accomplishments of which I cannot tell you as they are classified. However, it is more than justifiable to say that Sarah Walker could do almost anything. Almost.

She heard a snicker behind her and a pair of stilettoes sounding against the tiles of the bedroom floor.

"What do you want?" she growled at Carina.

"Nothing, just thought you could use some help," Carina said, walking up behind her shrugging her shoulders innocently.

"I told you I didn't want any help," Sarah hissed.

"That doesn't mean you don't need any," Carina insisted, "Come on, sugar, you know you need me…"

Sarah let out an exasperated sigh, "Fine! Just, do it quickly…"

Carina nodded and Sarah stepped aside to allow her better access, "I've always been good with my hands." Carina said winking.

"Just get it over with!" Sarah whined.

Carina reached down and popped a button, then the clasp and then...

"Oh gosh! Oh, son of a! Oh my word! Sarah, what did you feed him?"

Sarah came to stand next to Carina clutching her nose as they peered down at her son, Stephen Bartowski Jr., or more specifically, his dirty diaper.

Sarah shrugged, "You wanted to help…"

"I swear, I've been exposed to bio-weapons that let off less lethal gases than him," Carina whinged , turning her head away trying to escape the smell.

Sarah giggled, "Well, I mean, get on with it. This is like child abuse or something leaving him all exposed."

Carina grabbed a wipe – then looking at the mess thought better of it and pulled out five more.

"Sarah," Carina said, tearing up a bit from the smell, "I want to tell you there are so many inappropriate jokes I could make right now that I'm not."

"Much appreciated," Sarah said smiling.

Carina threw the wipes away, "Although, as my eyebrows simmer from the sheer impact of the toxicity of the downchuck, I don't know why I'm not…"

"Downchuck?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," Carina nodded as she slipped the used diaper out and tossed it, "Puke = upchuck, crap = downchuck."

"Huh, makes sense," Sarah acknowledged.

"Seriously though, what is in your boobs?" Carina asked as she got a clean diaper and finished up. "I mean, that really reeked."

"It's just milk, Carina. He's eating those baby foods now too though and they're about as bad going in as they are coming out," Sarah said. "I bet your baby's crap would smell too."

"Ho, no, no, no," Carina said shaking her head and wagging a finger at Sarah, "I am not having a baby."

"You never know," Sarah said knowingly.

"Walker, I don't care how far whipped…"

"Bartowski," Sarah corrected.

Carina rolled her eyes, "You see, as I was saying, you may be whipped beyond all understanding, but actually obey the cardinal rule of spying. In fact, I hold it sacred."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you say," Sarah grumbled.

They looked down at the now diapered Stephen.

"His package has a package," Carina observed.

Sarah flicked her ear.

"OK, I'm sorry," Carina giggled.

Sarah reached down and picked her son up out of his crib. He gurgled happily, his big light brown eyes looking up at her as she cradled him.

"OK, so he is kinda cute," Carina said, watching him, "In a pink, wrinkly, helpless kinda way."

He moved his head to look at her in the sharp uncoordinated fashion babies do. He smiled, showing his pink gums and making his eyes crinkle.

Sarah laughed, "He likes you."

Carina rolled her eyes, "Of course he does. All men like me."

He giggled and reached his arms out wide in reply.

"Wanna hold him?" Sarah asked.

"Uh, sure," Carina said reaching down and lifting him out of Sarah's arms.

"Careful," Sarah cautioned.

Carina scoffed, "Sarah, I'm a pro at picking up men."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "Yeah, a pro is often a word I use when describing you."

Carina gave Sarah a dirty look as she held Stephen upright with his chin resting on her shoulder.

"See, I got this," Carina stated.

Stephen gave what sounded like a little burp and Carina gave what sounded like a four letter word.

"What?" Sarah asked.

Carina withdrew the baby from her shoulder and held him out at arm's length revealing a gooey white wet patch on her shoulder.

"Upchuck," Sarah stated.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Carina yelled placing Stephen in his crib, "Sarah! Get it off me!"

Sarah laughed as she grabbed a couple of the baby wipes, "I thought you'd be used to bodily fluids by now."

"He threw up on me!" Carina yelled.

"I notice," Sarah deadpanned, "relax, he does it to me all the time."

"And you're fine with it?" Carina asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah," Sarah shrugged, swabbing at Carina's shoulder, "it's part of being a mom. You dress down to make sure all your nice clothes stay goop free and then after a while you don't even bother changing clothes when it happens."

"Ew!" Carina grimaced, "Well, at least it explains that shirt."

"What?" Sarah asked pouting, "Chuck loves this shirt. He calls it my mama shirt."

"Oh yeah," Carina said sarcastically, "I doubt upchuck gets Chuck up."

"So crude," Sarah muttered glaring at Carina, "We have a baby with colic, our nights are otherwise occupied."

Carina held up her hands in innocence.

"OK, then it's your life."

Sarah gave Carina's shirt one last swipe and then threw the wipes away.

"No, it's our life," Sarah said as she picked Stephen back up.

"So whipped!" Carina groaned.

Sarah shook her head, "Come on into the kitchen and I'll give you some milk and cookies. I just made the cookies this morning."

Carina glared at her skeptically then shrugged, "Well, I suppose this has its upsides."

"Wait," Carina faltered as she followed Sarah out toward the kitchen, "You're talking about cow milk right?"

Sarah laughed.

**OK, and for enduring that I give you a present. I give you the once in a lifetime opportunity to review this story! You, yes you! Now you're asking, "Etta, how do I get this once in a life time opportunity as it is so fantastic and wonderfully appealing to me as a reader and as a human being (or reptile, I don't judge)?" Well, it is very simple wonderful concerned reader; you simply press that wonderful button that says review below. So review before this wonderful offer expires!**

**The fine print - Terms and conditions apply. Etta Mae is not responsible for any side effects of impatience during loading time, being creeped out by an overly excited pm in reply to your review, making Etta Mae's world a better place, or nausea after eating 11 tacos (you should know better).**


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